Once Upon A Time

Written 3/26/08

I received an e-mail about my last post, so let me just take this opportunity to say “How would I know why they call a hat a sled?” My theory is as follows:

Once upon a time, long long ago, lived a group of people who hung confederate flags on their fences. One day a man from this group packed some sweet tea, pinto beans, and tobacca and set off on a journey to ACTUALLY LEAVE HIS COUNTY. He trekked a long, long way, and since this journey was made sometime between the months of September-May, he came across white stuff on the ground, and bitter cold temperatures. He saw people who had strange things on their heads, to prevent their ears from falling off due to the extremely cold temperatures. These people’s idea of fun was to climb up a steep hill and slide down the white stuff on a flat surface. He heard words like hat, scarf, toboggan, and don’t eat yellow snow. Some of these people were democrats, so he quickly ran back to the safety of his own county. When he got back, his people were burning trash in their yard, so he gathered them around this large bonfire to tell them of the strange things he saw. He mentioned the snow, and since he knew that a hat was something you wear on your head which says GIT-R-DUN or has a nascar emblem, he spoke of the strange toboggans on people’s heads. He was very hungry, and since his wife was at her mama’s house, he found some hamburg and some sauce, and declared, “From this day forth, all Sloppy Joes shall be called MANwiches.”

If you are Southern, please don’t take offense to this story. It is just a theory. Unless you hang a confederate flag from your fence. In that case you should be very, very offended.