It's hard out here for a pimp

It has been SO busy around here that I don’t even know where to start. I have so much to write about, and I don’t want to flood your brains with my stress and craziness. Let me start with school news. All of our amazing kids passed their eog’s. We have not yet received their scores or report cards, but when we do, you better believe that I will be bragging. Speaking of bragging, I cried like a baby instead of a proud mommy at the kids award ceremony. In fear of coming off like a total snob, I will just say that my kids are amazing!

The genius cleaned-up, and in addition to winning every academic award possible also won 1st place in the talent show, outstanding performance strings (violin), and outstanding performance music (singing). Rick had to keep his hand over my mouth, and I bit him, but that was better than my overwhelming impulse to stand up and scream “Ha! Losers! My kid is better than yours!” I refrained myself, and he only needed 2 stitches.

Yesterday was Rainia’s surgery. We spent 6 hrs. there. She took her IV like a sailor getting a tattoo. She laughed at the nurse, and then took her flask out of her pocket smiled sweetly. Her surgery was done within 30 minutes, and the rest of the time was recovery. The worst part was when she vomited, and I immediately convulsed with dry-heaves, and the nurse had to tell me to sit down and ask if I was OK. You would think after 7 kids and countless viruses, not to mention months spent with Andrew in ICU, I would be able to handle a little throw-up. You would think.

When we finally left, we got her a milk-shake, and I dropped Rick off at work. I went to pick up Kyley at horse-camp, in the blazer I have been driving lately. I have been driving it for about a week, so am fully aware that no matter how much or how little gas it has, the gauge says ¾ of a tank. I guess with all the hurrying to get to the surgical center without the required paper-work that I couldn’t find, I wasn’t thinking about when the last time I put gas in was, or finding my cell phone.

So the phone was left at home with the kids, and I ran out of gas. Luckily, it was only 99 degrees outside. I knew what was happening, and had enough sense to glide off onto a side road. I knocked on the doors of 4 houses, but no one came to the door to help a woman out of gas with a drugged-up, in pain, vomiting 9 yr. old girl. Out of no where, a large coca-cola truck pulled up. I guess he needed to rearrange the coke bottles, or check his directions, or something, but there he was. So, I ran over to the truck, and said “HEY!” He preceeded to quickly roll up his windows, shake his head no, point to his wedding ring, and drive off as quickly as he could get the truck to shift. Those of you who know what the oldest profession in the world is, know what he mistook me for.

I walked back to the car, and explained to Rain that I had to run to find a phone. I locked her in the 105 degree blazer, and took off running. The first thing I came upon, was the lovely hair salon where I buy my Aveda supplies, now what kind of working girl uses Aveda? I called Rick, and ran back to the truck. I dried my tears before I got back to Rainia, because I didn’t want to scare her. I carried her out of the 115 degree truck, and we found a spot in the shade to wait. Luckily, she still had her milk-shake, now milk-soup.

Rick showed up quickly, because he wanted to live another day loves me very much. I drove straight to the gas station, got the genius from horse-camp and went home. After dinner, chores, bath, some more vomit, some crying, and finally all the kids getting to bed, I laid in bed next to Rick. I was trying to cry, because that is absolutely my BEST stress-relief, but for some reason instead of tears, all I had was shock. I mean, I’m a good looking girl, how could the coca-cola guy refuse my services?