Just saying

Leesa wrote:
Getting married is scary business. But there are scarier things . . . yeah, I know there are. Does this make you feel better? How about going off to Iraq instead of getting married? Yeah, getting married seems to be okay, after all.

HHhhhhmmmm....Did you read any of my blog?

1st of all, no, the thought of going to Iraq does not make me feel better. What kind of question is that? Secondly, had you clicked on any other pages in my blog, you would know that I experience all levels of fear on a regular basis. Your comment implies that fear is only valid if the cause of the fear is a calamity. I have experienced these, my whole life. Fear is fear. It provokes the same physical and emotional symptoms whether the root of the fear is marriage or the knowledge that my stepson has a 50% chance of being alive at 18.

On the day that I wrote that post, my fear was based on entering myself and my children into a lifelong commitment, not only legal, but as a promise to God, that only 50% of couples succeed at. That is a good fear. Healthy. And I have a right to be afraid. I have seen first hand the devastation that divorce can have on the soul, the very being of those who have to experience it. And I thank God that my life is in a place that I am writing about that fear right now. Not about losing my house, as so many people are facing, or the probable loss of a child, as I have had to face in my past. But, it's FEAR, and it's MINE. Don't come to MY blog and leave a condescending comment, as if my fear is not good enough.

Guess What? I AM alive!

My computer is down, and work is crazier right now than it has ever been. Ever. But, I'm alive. I am so blessed with my bloggy community. Thank-you EVERYBODY who was worried about me. I love you guys. I will hopefully get my computer up and running this week.

Spankings and Incest (I am not great at this parenting thing)

Jake: Can I spank Rainia?

Me: No.

Jake: Can I spank Josh then?

Me: No.

Jake: When can I spank someone?

Me: Well, you have to wait until you have kids. But first you have to go to college. And then you have to get a really good job and make lots of money. Then you can get a wife. And THEN you can have a kid. Then you can spank it whenever you want to.

Jake: Why do I have to have money to get a wife.

Me: Well, because honey, that's just the way it is. You have to have money, and then you can have a really great wife. What kind of wife do you want?

Jake: Britney.

Me: You want a wife that looks like Britney?

Jake: No. I want Britney.

Me: You can't marry your sister.

Jake: Is it against the law?

Hhhmmmm....You really can't blame the boy, she's gorgeous:

I hate Mondays

Dear Monday,

GO AWAY!!!!

Paralyzed with Fear

I have a strange, unrelentless, incredibly strong fear of marriage.

I am 31 years old, I've never been married.

I have been proposed to by 4 people in my life.

I said no 3 times.

I am getting married in 3 months.

I woke up crying this morning about it.

I'm petrified.

Maw-Maw

Conversation in the car today after school=

Josh: MawMaw an me have a secwet an I cant tell NO ONE!

Jake: MawMaw and me have a secret too. I can't tell no one too.

Josh: I will tell you my secwet if you tell me yours.

Jake: OK.

Josh: You can't say you don't bewieve me, cuz it's twue.

Jake: OK.

Josh: MawMaw said that I'm Abbie's special guy. An when I'm at her house I can take care of Abbie.

Jake: No she didn't.

Josh: Hey! You Lied! You said you was goin ta beweive me.

Jake: That could'nt be YOUR secret, cause that's MY secret! MawMaw said that Abbie loves me so much. And I can take care of Abbie when I'm at her house!



Mom,

The game is up. How long did those secrets last? Did you REALLY think that they wouldn't find out? And why doesn't anyone want to take care of the dogs that we have in OUR house? Is your dog that much better than ours?



Conversation at dinner tonight after 5 out of our 7 kids have eaten seconds, and Rick has gotten up to eat the last bit out of the pot with the serving spoon.


Kyley: Can I bring the rest of mine over to Grandma's house? When I told her what we were having she asked if she could have some.

Me: Why didn't you say something? We could have fixed her a plate!

Kyley: Well, she said to wait and see if there was any left over.

Me: Ky! We had enough to fix her a plate!

Kyley: Well she said to go ahead and have seconds and whatever.

Me: Josh! Jake! Stop eating! (Scraping everyone's left-over food into a bowl) Oh My God. I can't even believe I'm doing this.

Rick: We feed MawMaw our scraps?



Dear Mom,

I shouldn't have done that. Sorry. Did you like your dinner?

The other awesome news

What a night! Not only did we get amazing news today, but when I got home, I was catching up on my blogs, and I can't even believe this, I WON SOMETHING! GreyGillFish, who takes the most amazing pictures ever, had a contest. It was a raffle, and all I had to do to enter was to comment. I don't actually know what I won, but oh my god, she said something would arrive on my doorstep, and I bet it's this:



Actually, she might have a hard time dropping those off at the post office for me, so I probably won this:



HHHhhhmmmm...I don't know what I won, but the best gifts were the pictures of her beautiful daughter holding up my name as the winner. Seriously, you have to check these pictures out. They are too cute.

MRI results

We got back late this evening. I know you are dying to know, so I wont keep you waiting. The tumor looks the same! That is fantastic news. Also, that is one Drs. opinion. The other Dr. said that he thought it looks like it went DOWN a small amount. We are ecstatic, and counting all of our blessings. I know that when we switched our medical team from Charlotte to Duke, they told us that radiation would NOT have been their choice of treatment. We know what the side-effects are. But, thank God, the stuff is working!!! I hate it that he has known and unknown long-term damage from the radiation, but Holy crap, it's working! I guess we are lucky, as far as statistics go. I know that if we had started our treatment at Duke, radiation would have been a last-resort, it would have come after chemo. I don't know why the Charlotte Drs. pushed for radiation BEFORE chemo, but as of right now, today, I am grateful that they did. (That is said with full some not enough understanding of the long-term effects that might pop up later.)

One of the Drs. even said something about not needing another MRI for a year. Of-course, being a worry-wort, I said I prefer 6 months, and the other Dr. agreed. So six months it is. We wont go back until August, unless Andrew's balance, coordination, etc. gets worse.

Thank-you so much for keeping us in your prayers, they are working!

I'm scared.

Pray for us, or cross your fingers. We are headed up to Duke. Andrew has another MRI tomorrow. Let's pray that this isn't the one where they tell us he needs to start chemo. I am definately going with them, because I don't want this to happen.

Um, You're 6. Why can't you dress yourself?

We went to a birthday party today at an indoor playplace. The kind with the human hamster tubes. You have to take your shoes off in the hamster tubes.



Me: Josh, go find your other sock in the playplace.

Josh: It's not in da pway pwace.

Me: Well, where is it then?

Josh: I onwy wore one sock today!

At least when they leave the house without underwear, noone knows it. Well, I take that back. Sometimes others do know when they don't wear underwear.



Dear Jacob,

You are gorgeous. Incredibly good looking. You make my heart fill with joy when i look at your face.



Do you think I could have my eyelashes back? Oh? Mine never looked like that? You are a BOY. You don't need them. Can I just have them?