The New Cast of Characters

I am Heidi, aka Doodlebelle. I grew up in the beautiful town of Burlington, VT. I now reside in a rural area outside of Charlotte, NC. I have custody of my three step-children, as well as my four biological children. I am trying to navigate this world, keep my sanity, and laugh everyday while parenting 7 kids. Sometimes I do a good job of it. I enjoy reading, dancing, singing loudly in the car, losing my shit, and procrastination.


This is Brittney aka Weirdo. She is the twin of Brooke, (She is the older twin.) She enjoys her horse, reading, and being moody. She also enjoys thrashing around wildly while dancing, and completely ingoring me when I ask her a question.


This is Brooke, aka Miss Social. She is the twin of Brittney. She enjoys soccer, her friends, her phone, and her computer. She also enjoys dancing in the living room while watching her reflection in the TV, and arguing with her siblings. If ever she goes missing, you can find her in the bathroom, straightening her hair or taking pictures of herself for myspace.


This is Kyley, aka The Genius. She is super intelligent, and extremely weird. She enjoys her horse, her music, reading, and watching TV. She also enjoys sighing heavily and stomping when asked to do anything.


This is Andrew, aka Super Recovery Boy. He lives with brain cancer. He is funny and amazingly resilient. He enjoys playstation, computer games, drawing, talking back, and trying to get out of chores and school-work.


This is Rainia, aka Lil Mama. She is bubbly, fun and hyperactive. She enjoys competitive cheerleading, writing, being a princess, eating, telling everyone else what to do, and bossing around whoever she can.


This is Jake, aka Rotten. He is the twin of Joshua. He is funny, sarcastic, and entertaining. He enjoys action figures, bugs, dancing, making people laugh, being the center of attention, trying to annoy people, and ruling this family.


This Josh, aka Sweetness. He is the twin of Jacob, the youngest in the family. He is loving, sweet, and affectionate. He enjoys Computer games, Playstation, sports, singing, Showering people with hugs, and screaming at the top of his lungs when he doesn't get his way.


To contact me: iamdoodlebelle@gmail.com

Just saying

Leesa wrote:
Getting married is scary business. But there are scarier things . . . yeah, I know there are. Does this make you feel better? How about going off to Iraq instead of getting married? Yeah, getting married seems to be okay, after all.

HHhhhhmmmm....Did you read any of my blog?

1st of all, no, the thought of going to Iraq does not make me feel better. What kind of question is that? Secondly, had you clicked on any other pages in my blog, you would know that I experience all levels of fear on a regular basis. Your comment implies that fear is only valid if the cause of the fear is a calamity. I have experienced these, my whole life. Fear is fear. It provokes the same physical and emotional symptoms whether the root of the fear is marriage or the knowledge that my stepson has a 50% chance of being alive at 18.

On the day that I wrote that post, my fear was based on entering myself and my children into a lifelong commitment, not only legal, but as a promise to God, that only 50% of couples succeed at. That is a good fear. Healthy. And I have a right to be afraid. I have seen first hand the devastation that divorce can have on the soul, the very being of those who have to experience it. And I thank God that my life is in a place that I am writing about that fear right now. Not about losing my house, as so many people are facing, or the probable loss of a child, as I have had to face in my past. But, it's FEAR, and it's MINE. Don't come to MY blog and leave a condescending comment, as if my fear is not good enough.

Paralyzed with Fear

I have a strange, unrelentless, incredibly strong fear of marriage.

I am 31 years old, I've never been married.

I have been proposed to by 4 people in my life.

I said no 3 times.

I am getting married in 3 months.

I woke up crying this morning about it.

I'm petrified.

The other awesome news

What a night! Not only did we get amazing news today, but when I got home, I was catching up on my blogs, and I can't even believe this, I WON SOMETHING! GreyGillFish, who takes the most amazing pictures ever, had a contest. It was a raffle, and all I had to do to enter was to comment. I don't actually know what I won, but oh my god, she said something would arrive on my doorstep, and I bet it's this:



Actually, she might have a hard time dropping those off at the post office for me, so I probably won this:



HHHhhhmmmm...I don't know what I won, but the best gifts were the pictures of her beautiful daughter holding up my name as the winner. Seriously, you have to check these pictures out. They are too cute.

One-Liners

Things I have heard in my house lately:

Part of Josh's speech deficit is that all sounds with a G, K, or hard C, sound exactly alike. They all sound like a K sound. So for him, the words got and caught would sound exactly alike. They both come out like "Kot" So just imagine for me, if you would, all G's in the following sentence sounding like a K. And yes, we are VERY sick parents to have found this so funny.

Josh: "I got gum! I got gum!" "Why awe you yaffin? I yuv gum!"


Jake: I need a spoon.
Rick: Well go get yourself one. This isn't a restaurant!
Jake: (takes Rick's hand and drags him into the kitchen, and then points to the wall) "Look!"
Me: (laughing hysterically) OMG! He got you honey! Don't underestimate Jake.

Rick: Boy, that sign says Rest-Stop, not Restaurant! You better get your own stinkin' spoon!


After we saw this:

All the kids thought it was so cool. Then a classic Brooke moment

Brooke: But how did he get his hair to come out the top like that?

All the kids had to laugh, and then all of them tried to explain to her how it was a helmet. That it was made like that.

During a precious moment where Rick and I were alone in the car.
Me: Stop confusing me Bitch!
Rick: Will you stop calling my navigation system that? I LOVE her!
Me: Sorry honey, but what the hell is her name then? You are going to have to name her or I am going to keep calling her bitch.

And the best thing I have heard recently around this house is the word "Mom", spoken many times recently, by Andrew, describing me!!!

Preparing for the insanity

Well, I have some pictures, but not enough. Let me recap...

My BFF eloped. She ended up getting married on vacation with the man she had been dating for about 2 months. She then lost her mind decided to have a halloween ceremony. She wanted Wizard of Oz characters, with a Harley theme for the ceremony, followed by a costume party reception. When she hatched her scheme, I was shocked. Then, I tried my damndest to convince her to drop the Wizard of Oz portion and go Harley all the way. Why? Because I can rock a black leather miniskirt, that's why. I also thought it would be too busy to combine WOZ and Harley together, and that she should stick with one or the other. But, she was set on her scheme, and being my BFF for the last 17 years, I was happy to help out as much as I could.

I went to work on her yellow brick road, and then tackeled my costume. I needed to be this:



I started with this dress, in Ivory, that I purchased for $15 at the thrift store. I dyed it pink with this:




The dress didn't fit, so the back went from this:



To this:



And then I added lots o' tulle on the sleeves and a broach:



Since I am a realist, and not afraid of change, I also tried to dye my hair Glinda for the part. It really didn't come out orange, but it came out like this:



We put it off until the last minute, but really needed to find Rick a costume. He vetoed almost every idea I had, and then he came up with this

Rick's Hero (Not really, but whatever):



So the lighting sucks in this pic, but OMG, this was the funniest shit EVER!!!
Yes indeed that is a grill in his mouth!



Coming next, the Wizard of Oz wedding!!!

A New Baby!

Her name is Snow, and she knows her name, so I wouldn't want to change it. She is 7 yrs. old. She is gorgeous, sweet, and lovable. I love her.

Thank-you, Rick. I adore you. You are an amazing fiance and Dad, and constantly sacrifice to make us happy. We are so lucky to have you. I love you, and I can't wait for the honor of getting to call you my husband.

Vowels

Brooke: I worked on my vowels last night.

Me: Your what?

Brooke: My vowels. for the wedding. I worked on them. Their not done yet.

Me: Oh, their called vows. Without the "l". Vowels are, you know, a e i o u.

Kyley: And sometimes Y.

So yes, we are incorporating our kids in all aspects of this wedding. I have been working on the perfect monogram for us. Here is one that a fellow knottie, Ponticelli came up with.

I am not Alone.

I've never touched on anything so personal here before. I just got back from reading Baggage's recent post and I cried. Hard. Because I was dealing with my past today, and I had a conversation with Rick about it, and then she wrote about it. And it's weird that she would write about it today. She is brave, and open, and I feel like I'm not alone, and that is a good feeling. So for that reason, I will share the conversation that I had with Rick today.


Me: What are you doing?

Rick: Just got done talking with a customer, what are you doing?

Me: On my way to the school. Are you alone?

Rick: Yes, I'm in the office, by myself. What's going on?

Me: I was thinking about what happened to me when I was 4. You know what I'm talking about?

Rick: Yeah, the abuse. Are you OK?

Me: I made a tape. I know because my Mom told me years ago. The dectectives interviewed me, and it's on tape. What do you think about me trying to locate the tape?

Rick: Oh. I don't know. I don't know if that would be such a good idea. Why would you want to do that?

Me: Because I don't know if my memories are real. My memory is foggy, and I can't recall everything.

Rick: That might be a good thing. It might bring up all sorts of issues if you heard it. That would be really hard.

Me: But I already have issues. I have relationship issues, and I have sexual issues, and there are parts of my body that you can't touch, and there are parts of your body that I don't want to touch, and I'm messed up. I just want to be normal. Maybe if I can hear it, and work it out in my head, I'll get better.

Rick: I don't think that is something that you can just work out in your head. I really think you might open up more than we can handle. I wouldn't want you going off the deep end or anything. Where would you get it? The police in VT?

Me: I guess. I don't think there is a time limit on that kind of crime. I guess they still have the tape. I don't know.

Rick: Why now? Why do you want to find the tape all of a sudden?

Me: I've been thinking about it for ten years.

Rick: Oh. Maybe you should try to find it then, if you've been thinking about listening to it for ten years.

Me: I'm at the school. I can't talk about this anymore, here comes Kyley.

And then tonight, when I read Baggage's emotional post, I cried, and I showed Rick, and he read it. And I am so lucky to have someone who will deal with this with me. And although he doesn't and can't understand, he listens. But Baggage understands. She's been there. And that felt good. So she gave me the courage to talk about this. Because I understand too, and I know that we are not alone. That the statistics say one in four women will be sexually abused.

This was not my fault. So why shouldn't I talk about it? I don't need to feel like there is something wrong with me anymore. I don't need to feel guilty, or bad, or less than. I didn't ask for this, so why do I need to carry around shame, and guilt, and secrecy?

Who's Tired? Not Me

Is it terrible that my favorite time of the whole day is when the kids are in bed? I'm exhausted, and I always am, but just to have the peace and quiet makes me want to stay awake for as long as I possibly can.

Some people have a vacation home, but we have the ER!!!

I am the world's biggest idiot. Seriously.

Kyley has health issues. She has asthma, pretty bad, and she also has a threatening reaction to fire-ant bites. She carries an inhaler and an epi-pen, and if she gets a cold, her asthma reacts, and she has to take nebulizer treatments. In 4th grade, she was out of school for 2 weeks, and it was TERRIBLE! She had to take the neb. treatments 6 times per day. We've had to take her to the ER twice for asthma attacks, and she also takes morning and night time allergy meds for dust-mites. We pulled out the carpets in the whole house for her, and she has hypo-allergenic bedding.

I recently refilled ALL of her meds, which I do yearly, to make sure nothing is expired when she needs to use it. (mainly her epi-pen). So, She got 6 total. inhaler, epi-pen, daily asthma steroid, morning allergy, night-time allergy, and neb-treatment (just in case). We decided that for her emergency meds (inhaler and epi-pen), she should have 3 this year. In middle-school, they don't keep them in the classroom, and she is not the best at making sure she has the stuff with her. So, we decided we would keep 1 at home, 1 in her purse, and 1 in her locker, which the school can get into if she forgets her purse.

The epi-pen comes in packs of 2. So, I needed to make sure that she had 1 more that was not expired. I was looking in our medicine cabinet, which is a high cabinet in our kitchen. It is high enough that I need a chair to get into it. So, I was standing on a chair in the kitchen and I found it. For some reason, it was not in the protective cover. But, I picked it up with my left hand, and needed to read the fine print to see if it was expired. Some-how, while trying to look for the expiration date, above my head, standing on a chair, my right hand pulled off the safety, and it discharged into the palm of my left hand. Fully. OUCH!!! This is a fairly long, thick needle, and my hand was a bloody mess. My palm immediately created a large bubble of epi-fluid, and I could feel the stuff burning as it went up into my wrist and then up into my arm. OH THE PAIN!!!

I cried. And then I quickly got on the internet to find out what was going to happen. I saw this. Everything said NEVER inject epi-pen into your hand, and you can lose circulation, and seek immediate medical attention. I was scared, and in pain, and Rick and I set out to our home away from home, the ER. Fortunately, we were there for only 2 hours. Fortunately it was an epi-pen "JR.", fortunately, nothing bad happened to my hand. Except for the intense pain, which continues to throb in my hand and up my arm into my shoulder. We left with a good dose of vicodin, and an RX for more, which I am trying not to fill, because I don't have insurance. But, I may just fill this RX, because of the PAIN I am still experiencing. This was last night at 8:30pm, and now is today at 1:00pm, and I HURT plus, I have been working on this post for 2 hours 1-handed. Oh, and the swelling.

The doc. told me to take the engagement ring off, and I almost wish I had listened, because instead of losing circulation to my left hand due to epi-injection, I may just lose circulation to my left ring-finger due to engagement ring that used to fit.

I Love Aveda

Also, I have been out of my favorite hair products for 2 or 3 months and have been using drug-store brands. With all of this getting the kids ready for school I have been doing, I felt like I deserved a reward when I finally finished yesterday. So, I treated myself to:

-Refill of Aveda Volumizing Tonic
-Travel size Aveda Pure Abundance hair spray
-Aveda classic Paddle Brush. (Mine is 13 years old.)

And can I just say that my hair looks incredible!

Paper

I went to get some more paper for my project, and the paper I am using is SO incredible. In the store, I caressed it, and then I hugged it, and then I licked it. Because I couldn't resist. Then Rick said I was crazy. Then he said that he was going to cover his body in that paper, and just for a minute, I entertained the thought and smiled. That is how much I love that paper.

Stats

I was just looking at my blog stats. I like to know how many people are reading my site, and how they got here. So one of them made me laugh so hard that I just had to share it. someone found my blog by googleing "redneck shorty got low" I checked myself, and sure enough I am on the 3rd google page under redneck shorty got low. lolololololol. This just cracks me up.

So, what about you? If you have a blog, and you check your stats, what is the most interesting way someone has found your site?

Dear Missy

Dear Missy,

You are a lovely, beautiful horse. And, I respect you because you are so much bigger than me. Did you HAVE to prove how much respect you deserve by rearing-up when I was holding your lead rope? Now I have rope-burn on my thumb, and 1st, 2nd, and 3rd fingers. It hurts very badly. I can't even close my hand. Next time, could you just take it for granted that I respect you?

Thank-you,

Heidi

It's hard out here for a pimp

It has been SO busy around here that I don’t even know where to start. I have so much to write about, and I don’t want to flood your brains with my stress and craziness. Let me start with school news. All of our amazing kids passed their eog’s. We have not yet received their scores or report cards, but when we do, you better believe that I will be bragging. Speaking of bragging, I cried like a baby instead of a proud mommy at the kids award ceremony. In fear of coming off like a total snob, I will just say that my kids are amazing!

The genius cleaned-up, and in addition to winning every academic award possible also won 1st place in the talent show, outstanding performance strings (violin), and outstanding performance music (singing). Rick had to keep his hand over my mouth, and I bit him, but that was better than my overwhelming impulse to stand up and scream “Ha! Losers! My kid is better than yours!” I refrained myself, and he only needed 2 stitches.

Yesterday was Rainia’s surgery. We spent 6 hrs. there. She took her IV like a sailor getting a tattoo. She laughed at the nurse, and then took her flask out of her pocket smiled sweetly. Her surgery was done within 30 minutes, and the rest of the time was recovery. The worst part was when she vomited, and I immediately convulsed with dry-heaves, and the nurse had to tell me to sit down and ask if I was OK. You would think after 7 kids and countless viruses, not to mention months spent with Andrew in ICU, I would be able to handle a little throw-up. You would think.

When we finally left, we got her a milk-shake, and I dropped Rick off at work. I went to pick up Kyley at horse-camp, in the blazer I have been driving lately. I have been driving it for about a week, so am fully aware that no matter how much or how little gas it has, the gauge says ¾ of a tank. I guess with all the hurrying to get to the surgical center without the required paper-work that I couldn’t find, I wasn’t thinking about when the last time I put gas in was, or finding my cell phone.

So the phone was left at home with the kids, and I ran out of gas. Luckily, it was only 99 degrees outside. I knew what was happening, and had enough sense to glide off onto a side road. I knocked on the doors of 4 houses, but no one came to the door to help a woman out of gas with a drugged-up, in pain, vomiting 9 yr. old girl. Out of no where, a large coca-cola truck pulled up. I guess he needed to rearrange the coke bottles, or check his directions, or something, but there he was. So, I ran over to the truck, and said “HEY!” He preceeded to quickly roll up his windows, shake his head no, point to his wedding ring, and drive off as quickly as he could get the truck to shift. Those of you who know what the oldest profession in the world is, know what he mistook me for.

I walked back to the car, and explained to Rain that I had to run to find a phone. I locked her in the 105 degree blazer, and took off running. The first thing I came upon, was the lovely hair salon where I buy my Aveda supplies, now what kind of working girl uses Aveda? I called Rick, and ran back to the truck. I dried my tears before I got back to Rainia, because I didn’t want to scare her. I carried her out of the 115 degree truck, and we found a spot in the shade to wait. Luckily, she still had her milk-shake, now milk-soup.

Rick showed up quickly, because he wanted to live another day loves me very much. I drove straight to the gas station, got the genius from horse-camp and went home. After dinner, chores, bath, some more vomit, some crying, and finally all the kids getting to bed, I laid in bed next to Rick. I was trying to cry, because that is absolutely my BEST stress-relief, but for some reason instead of tears, all I had was shock. I mean, I’m a good looking girl, how could the coca-cola guy refuse my services?

All Caught Up

I am done!!!!!

Done, sun, bun, fun, fun, fun!!!!! I am completely caught up. Meaning, This blog totally and fully matches my other blog. No more reading what was written 2 months ago, no more wondering why I am writing about easter in June. Done.

What does this mean? Well, 1st the history. My original blog was written on www.carepages.com this is a wonderful community for caregivers and patients of health-related issues. I started the blog as a way to keep my friends and family updated on Andrew’s cancer issues. I must be REALLY behind the times, because at that point, I hadn’t read Dooce, Bossy, Banana’s, anything. I was unaware of Blogher. Didn’t know about technorati, total and complete ignorance. Turns out, I also didn’t know about the therapeutic benefits of blogging. So, the carepage kind of began to have a mind of its own. I found, instead of updating dr. appointments, sickness, and wellness, I was journaling, and writing about LIFE.

I started googleing mommy blogs and OMG!!! Everyone stole my idea. Years ago. They stole my idea, before it was even my idea, and I am obviously the biggest idiot on the planet. Can you imagine what my life would have been had I been recording publicly all of those years in my youth experimenting with love, life, and pain? And, I could’ve been reading everybody else’s life. This is like reality television without the script. Flavor Flav, eat your heart out!

OK, back to the point, my carepage, instead of being about health, turned into being about life. And I realized that it isn’t really the correct platform for my blog. I plan to continue my carepage for my readers on that site. I have a lovely group of family, friends, and strangers, who read my updates regularly. Actually, about 120 people read my carepage regularly. But, did I mention that my family reads that site? My VERY conservative, baptist, republican family? So, do I censor myself? Of course!!!

Will I continue to censor myself? Well, yeah. I have a wonderful man and children that I need to be accountable to. I have a job, and eventually my family may find my site. So, do I plan on writing about couple’s counseling, my boss, or my step-daughter calling me a b**ch? NO. But, do I now feel free to write about giving my fiancé a lap-dance, the absolute joy I get out of farting in front of my children, or my brother’s murder trial?

All I can say is LET THE GAMES BEGIN! Hahahahaha (that was supposed to be an evil, hackling, witch laugh)

Redneck Woman

Written 5/12/08

I’m back from my much needed break with my girl Kelly. I will share the highlight of my trip:

We were staying in this little town called Cayce SC, outside of Columbia. We ended up at this country nightclub in a BARN. They had a live band, and line-danced to every song. I was having a great time with the girls, talking and laughing at everybody else, when I looked at the dance floor and saw a girl in a full-length satin pink dress. I immediately turned to the girl next to me and said that she must think that she is at a hillbilly prom. We had a nice little chuckle, and when I turned my head back to the dance floor, there were 4 or 5 girls in the same pink prom dress. I was confused, because everyone knows that you don’t wear the same dress as someone else to your hillbilly prom. When I looked again, there she was. The Bride. She was in her beautiful white dress, her hair in a lovely updo with cascading curls. She was line-dancing with the well-dressed groom. Oh my Gosh! They actually had their reception in this public Barn dance hall! Is this shocking me because I am thinking about my own wedding? Am I just incredibly narrow-minded? Am I a yankee snob? I am suddenly feeling SO much better about the red-neck town that I live in, because I have never seen a wedding reception at our hillbilly dance club.

When I got home, my wonderful kids had decorated the house with lovely mother’s day streamers and hand-made cards. There was some kind of strange song playing from the computer about making them eat their veggies, and I was greeted with enough hugs and kisses to remind me why I love having such a big family. I was presented with a beautiful watch, which I desperately needed to remind me when to do the laundry. Rick made a lovely meal of frozen TV dinners, so that I didn’t have to cook. I spent some time with my own wonderful mother, and went to bed early. All in All, a very special mother’s day weekend.

Mother's Day!!!

Written 5/8/08

I am taking a little break this weekend. Rick has graciously offered to watch the kidlets, and I will be going to see my best friend. She lives in Kentucky, but will be in SC this weekend, so I will be meeting her there.

Talk to you when I get home,
Heidi

Sparky

Written 3/15/08

I had a near death experience plus God saved all of our stuff.

Sounds interesting right? This is what happened. In getting Rick's belongings out of his other house and storage building, we found a dryer. Since our dryer takes 2 full 70 minute cycles to dry a load of clothes, we figured we would try the one we found and see if it worked before starting to replace heating elements and such in the one we have. So the dryer has been in the middle of the kitchen since our moving furniture marathon. I decided that I would tackle this task while Rick was at work today.

I moved all of the dirty clothes out of the laundry room. (9 people remember, there is never a time that I can recall that the laundry has been all finished.) I slid the old dryer out of its place, and pushed the new dryer into position. When I plugged the dryer up, it was already on, so I quickly turned it off. I slid on the dryer lint hose thing onto the back of the dryer. (I don't know the name of this hose thing, but it is made out of tin-foil type material, and looks like a robot arm. It runs from the dryer into a hole in the floor, under the floor, and comes out of the side of the house.) So when I let go of the dryer-lint robot arm hose, it touched the outlet plug, and sparks started shooting everywhere. They probably shot 4 feet into the air, and continued sparkling like a fire-cracker while I grabbed the dryer and pulled it out from the wall until the robot-arm-hose fell and the sparks stopped. I took a deep breath and decided that I would wait until later to finish this particular chore. Quite a bit of smoke was coming from the laundry room, so I opened all of the windows and sent the kids outside. I was very impressed with the amount of smoke that electrical sparks cause, and shortly decided to leave the house myself. I went over to my mother's house and called Rick at work to tell him about my near death experience.

I let him know that if I had been touching the robot arm or had been in a different position, I would have been fried. After a long conversation of making sure that he was grateful that I was alive, I decided to take a nap. What else do you do when you narrowly escape death by electrocution? Plus, I wasn't feeling very well today. When Rick got home a couple of hours later, I woke up and we went into the laundry room so that I could reenact the whole thing. While in there, he noticed a loud water sound, and went into the kids bathroom on the other side of the wall, but they didn't have any water on. So, outside and under the house he went to investigate. He came back in to tell me to come outside.

Our house had been on fire! Apparently the robot-arm-hose was full of lint, and the sparks had started it on fire. it completely burnt up, catching the surrounding wood, sheetrock, and insulation, all the way out to the dryer-exhaust hole in the siding of the house. There is melted siding and burn marks all around the exhaust hole. The way that God put out the fire, is that the fire burned into the water pipes that supply the washing machine, and they were spraying like crazy, putting out the fire.

I had never even thought to check if the electrical sparks had started a fire, and although I was amazed at the amount of smoke, I thought that it had come from the sparks. The smoke was actually coming from our house burning up while I walked around and opened windows. I have no idea how long our house burned before God put out the fire, but I am grateful.

So this was very exciting, and amazing, but Rick is now disgusted. He started to pull out the burnt-up insulation and sheetrock from under the house to get to the melted pipes to fix the water leak, but it got dark and he worked all day, so we have our main water line cut off, and tomorrow it looks like he has his work cut out for him. So that is how I nearly got electrocuted and we nearly lost our house. And praise God that he put out the fire.